A CLOUD IN TROUSERS
epilogue: Your thoughts, dreaming on a softened brain, like an over-fed lackey on a greasy settee, with my heart's bloody tatters I'll mock again; impudent and caustic, I'll jeer to superfluity.
Of Grandfatherly gentleness I'm devoid, there's not a single grey hair in my soul! Thundering the world with the might of my voice, I go by -- handsome, twenty-two-year-old.
Gentle ones! You lay your love on a violin. The crude lay their love on a drum. but you can't, like me, turn inside out entirely, and nothing but human lips become!
Out of chintz-covered drawing-rooms, come and learn- decorous bureaucrats of angelic leagues.
and you whose lips are calmly thumbed, as a cook turns over cookery-book leaves.
If you like- I'll be furiously flesh elemental, or - changing to tones that the sunset arouses - if you like- I'll be extraordinary gentle, not a man, but - a cloud in trousers!
1
You think malaria makes me delirious?
It happened. In Odessa it happened.
"I'll come at four," Maria promised.
Eight. Nine. Ten.
Then the evening turned its back on the windows and plunged into grim night, scowling Decemberish.
At my decrepit back the candelabras guffawed and whinnied.
You would not recognise me now: a bulging bulk of sinews, groaning, and writhing, What can such a clod desire? Though a clod, many things!
The self does not care whether one is cast of bronze or the heart has an iron lining. At night the self only desires to steep its clangour in softness, in woman.
And thus, enormous, I stood hunched by the window, and my brow melted the glass. What will it be: love or no-love? And what kind of love: big or minute? How could a body like this have a big love? It should be teeny-weeny, humble, little love; a love that shies at the hooting of cars, that adores the bells of horse-trams.
Again and again nuzzling against the rain, my face pressed against its pitted face, I wait, splashed by the city's thundering surf.
Then midnight, amok with a knife, caught up, cut him down out with him!
The stroke of twelve fell like a head from a block.
On the windowpanes, grey raindrops howled together, piling on a grimace as though the gargoyles of Notre Dame were howling.
Damn you! Isn't that enough? Screams will soon claw my mouth apart.
Then I heard, softly, a nerve leap like a sick man from his bed. Then, barely moving, at first, it soon scampered about, agitated, distinct. Now, with a couple more, it darted about in a desperate dance.
The plaster on the ground floor crashed.
Nerves, big nerves, tiny nerves, many nerves! galloped madly till soon their legs gave way.
But night oozed and oozed through the room and the eye, weighed down, could not slither out of the slime.
The doors suddenly banged ta-ra-bang, as though the hotel's teeth chattered.
You swept in abruptly like "take it or leave it!" Mauling your suede gloves, you declared: "D' you know, I'm getting married"
All right, marry then. So what, I can take it. As you see, I'm calm! Like the pulse of a corpse.
Do you remember how you used to talk? "Jack London, money, love, passion." But I saw one thing only: you, a Gioconda, had to be stolen!
And you were stolen.
In love, I shall gamble again, the arch of my brows ablaze. What of it! Homeless tramps often find shelter in a burnt-out house!
You're teasing me now? "You have fewer emeralds of madness than a beggar has kopeks!" But remember! When they teased Vesuvius, Pompeii perished!
Hey! Gentlemen! Amateurs of sacrilege, crime, and carnage, have you seen the terror of terrors my face when I am absolutely calm?
I feel my "I" is much too small for me. Stubbornly a body pushes out of me.
Hello! Who's speaking? Mamma? Mamma! Your son is gloriously ill! Mamma! His heart is on fire. Tell his sisters, Lyuda and Olya, he has no nook to hide in.
Each word, each joke, which his scorching mouth spews, jumps like a naked prostitute from a burning brothel.
People sniff the smell of burnt flesh! A brigade of men drive up. A glittering brigade. In bright helmets. But no jackboots here! Tell the firemen to climb lovingly when a heart's on fire. Leave it to me. I'll pump barrels of tears from my eyes. I'll brace myself against my ribs. I'll leap out! Out! Out! They've collapsed. You can't leap out of a heart!
From the cracks of the lips upon a smouldering face a cinder of a kiss rises to leap.
Mamma! I cannot sing. In the heart's chapel the choir loft catches fire!
The scorched figurines of words and numbers scurry from the skull like children from a flaming building. Thus fear, in its effort to grasp at the sky, lifted high the flaming arms of the Lusitania.
Into the calm of the apartment where people quake, a hundred-eye blaze bursts from the docks. Moan into the centuries, if you can, a last scream: I'm on fire!
2
Glorify me! For me the great are no match. Upon every achievement I stamp nihil
I never want to read anything. Books? What are books!
Formerly I believed books were made like this: a poet came, lightly opened his lips, and the inspired fool burst into song if you please! But it seems, before they can launch into a song, poets must tramp for days with callused feet, and the sluggish fish of the imagination flounders softly in the slush of the heart. And while, with twittering rhymes, they boil a broth of loves and nightingales, the tongueless street merely writhes for lack of something to shout or say.
In our pride, we raise up again the cities' towers of Babel, but god, confusing tongues, grinds cities to pasture.
In silence the street pushed torment. A shout stood erect in the gullet. Wedged in the throat, bulging taxis and bony cabs bristled. Pedestrians have trodden my chest flatter than consumption.
The city has locked the road in gloom.
But when nevertheless! the street coughed up the crush on the square, pushing away the portico that was treading on its throat, it looked as if: in choirs of an archangel's chorale, god, who has been plundered, was advancing in wrath!
But the street, squatting down, bawled: "Let's go and guzzle!"
Krupps and Krupplets paint a bristling of menacing brows on the city, but in the mouth corpselets of dead words putrefy; and only two thrive and grow fat: "swine, " and another besides, apparently - "borsch."
Poets, soaked in plaints and sobs, break from the street, rumpling their matted hair over: "How with two such words celebrate a young lady and love and a floweret under the dew?"
In the poets' wake thousands of street folk: students, prostitutes, salesmen.
Gentlemen! Stop!
thousands of street folk: students, prostitutes, salesmen.
Gentlemen! Stop! You are no beggars; how dare you beg for alms!
We in our vigour, whose stride measures yards, must not listen, but tear them apart them, glued like a special supplement to each double bed!
Are we to ask them humbly: "Assist me!" Implore for a hymn or an oratorio! We ourselves are creators within a burning hymn the hum of mills and laboratories.
What is Faust to me, in a fairy splash of rockets gliding with Mephistopheles on the celestial parquet! I know a nail in my boot is more nightmarish than Goethe's fantasy!
I, the most golden-mouthed, whose every word gives a new birthday to the soul, gives a name-day to the body, I adjure you: the minutest living speck is worth more than what I'll do or did!
Listen! It is today's brazen-lipped Zarathustra who preaches, dashing about and groaning! We, our face like a crumpled sheet, our lips pendulant like a chandelier; we, the convicts of the City Leprous, where gold and filth spawned leper's sores, we are purer than the azure of Venice, washed by both the sea and the sun!
I spit on the fact that neither Homer nor Ovid invented characters like us, pock-marked with soot. I know the sun would dim, on seeing the gold fields of our souls!
Sinews and muscles are surer than prayers. Must we implore the charity of the times! We each one of us hold in our fists the driving belts of the worlds!
This led to my Golgothas in the halls of Petrograd, Moscow, Odessa, and Kiev, where not a man but shouted: "Crucify, crucify him!" But for me all of you people, even those that harmed me you are dearer, more precious than anything.
Have you seen a dog lick the hand that thrashed it?!
I, mocked by my contemporaries like a prolonged dirty joke, I perceive whom no one sees, crossing the mountains of time.
Where men's eyes stop short, there, at the head of hungry hordes, the year 1916 cometh in the thorny crown of revolutions.
In your midst, his precursor, I am where pain is everywhere; on each drop of the tear-flow I have nailed myself on the cross. Nothing is left to forgive. I've cauterised the souls where tenderness was bred. It was harder than taking a thousand thousand Bastilles!
And when, the rebellion his advent announcing, you step to meet the saviour then I shall root up my soul; I'll trample it hard ill it spread in blood; and I offer you this as a banner.
3
Ah, wherefrom this, how explain this brandishing of dirty fists at bright joy!
She came, and thoughts of a madhouse curtained my head in despair.
And as a dreadnought founders and men in choking spasms dive out of an open hatch so Burlyuk, panic-stricken, crawled though the screaming gash of his eye. Almost bloodying his teary eyelids, he crawled out, rose, walked, and, with tenderness unexpected in one so obese, announced: "It's fine!"
It's fine, when a yellow shirt shields the soul from investigation! It's fine, when thrown at the gibbet's teeth, to shout: "Drink Van Houten's Cocoa!"
That instant crackling like a Bengal light, I would not exchange for anything, not for any money
Out of the cigar smoke, Severyanin's drink-sodden face lurched forward like a liqueur glass.
How dare you call yourself a poet, and twitter greyly like a quail! This day brass knuckles must split the world inside the skull!
You, who are supremely worried by the thought: "Am I an elegant dancer?" Look at my way of enjoying life I a common pimp and cardsharp!
On you, steeped in love who watered the centuries with tears, I'll turn my back, fixing the sun like a monocle into my gaping eye.
Donning fantastic finery, I'll strut the earth to please and scorch; and Napoleon will precede me, like a pug, on a leash.
The earth, like a woman, will flop on her back, a mass of quivering flesh, ready to yield; things will come to life and their lips will lisp and lisp: "Yum-yum-yum!"
Suddenly, the clouds and other cloudy things in the sky will roll and pitch madly as if workers in white when their way after declaring a bitter strike against the sky.
More savagely, thunder strode from a cloud, friskily snorting from enormous nostrils; and, for a second, the sky's face was twisted in the Iron Chancellor's grim grimace.
And someone, entangled in a cloudy mesh. held out his hands to a café; and it looked somehow feminine, and tender somehow, and somehow like a gun carriage.
You believe the sun was tenderly patting the cheeks of the café? No, it's General Gallifet, advancing again to mow down the rebels!
Strollers, hands from your pockets pick a stone, knife, or bomb; and if any of you have no arms, come and fight with your forehead!
Forward, famished ones, sweating ones, servile ones, mildewed in the flea-ridden dirt!
Forward! Painting Mondays and Tuesdays in blood, we shall turn them into holidays. Let the earth at knife's point, remember whom it wished to debase! The earth, bulging like a mistress whom Rothchild has overfondled!
The flags may flutter in a fever of gunfire as on every important holiday will you, the street lamps, hoist high up the battered carcasses of traders.
I swore, pleaded, stabbed, fought to fasten my teeth into somebody's flesh,
In the sky, red as Marseillaise, the sunset shuddered at its last gasp.
It's madness.
Nothing at all will remain.
Night will arrive, bite in two, gobble you up.
Look is the sky playing Judas again with a handful of treachery-spattered stars? Night came. Feasted like Mamai, squatting with its rump on the city. Our eyes cannot break this night, black as Azef!
I huddle, slumped in corners of saloons; with vodka drenching my soul and the cloth, I notice in one corner rounded eyes: the madonna's, which bite into the heart. Why bestow such radiance of the painted form upon a horde infesting a saloon! Don't you see! They spit on the man of Golgotha again, preferring Barabbaas.
Deliberately, perhaps, I show no newer face amid this human mash. I, perhaps, am the handsomest of your sons.
Give them, who are mouldy with joy, a time of quick death, that children may grow, boys into fathers, girls big with child.
And may new born babes grow the hair of the magi and they will come anon to baptise the infants with the names of my poems.
I, who praised the machine and England, I am perhaps quite simply the thirteenth apostle in an ordinary gospel.
And whenever my voice rumbles bawdily then, from hour to hour, around the clock, Jesus Christ may be sniffing the forget-me-nots of my soul.
4
Maria! Maria! Maria! Let me in, Maria! I can't suffer the streets! You won't? You'd rather wait until my cheeks cave in, until, pawed by everyone, I arrive, stale, toothlessly mumbling that today I am "amazingly honest."
Maria, as you see my shoulders droop.
In the streets men will prick the blubber of four-story craws, thrust out their little eyes, worn in forty years of wear and tear to snigger at my champing again! on the hard crust of yesterday's caress.
Rain has drowned the sidewalks in sobs; the puddle-prisoned rouge, all drenched, licks the corpse of the streets by cobbles clobbered, but on his grizzled eyelashes yes! on the eyelashes of frosted icicles, tears gush from his eyes yes! from the drooping eyes of the drainpipes.
The rain's snout licked all pedestrians; but fleshy athletes, gleaming, passed by in carriages; people burst asunder, gorged to the marrow, and grease dripped through the cracks; and the cud of old ground meat, together with the pulp of chewed bread, dribbled down in a turbid stream from the carriages.
Maria! How stuff a gentle word into their fat-bulged ears? A bird sings for alms, hungry and resonant. But I am a man, Maria, a simple man, coughed up by consumptive night on the dirty hand of the Presnya.
Maria, do you want such a man? Let me in, Maria! With shuddering fingers I shall grip the doorbell's iron throat!
Maria!
The paddocks of the streets run wild. The fingers of the mob mark my neck.
Open up!
I'm hurt!
Look -my eyes are stuck with ladies' hatpins!
You've let me in.
Darling! Don't be alarmed if a mountain of women with sweating bellies squats on my bovine shoulders through life I drag millions of vast pure loves and a million million of foul little lovekins. Don't be afraid if once again in the inclemency of betrayal, I'll cling to thousands of pretty faces "that love Mayakovsky!" for this is the dynasty of queens who have ascended the heart of a madman.
Maria, come closer!
Whether in unclothed shame or shudders of apprehension, do yield me the unwithered beauty of your lips: my heart and I have never got as far as May, and in my expended life there is only a hundredth April.
Maria! The poet sings sonnets to Tiana, but I am all flesh, a man every bit I simply ask for your body as Christians pray: "Give us this day our daily bread!"
Maria - give!
Maria! I fear to forget your name as a poet fears to forget some word sprung in the torment of the night, mighty as god himself.
Your body I shall cherish and love as a soldier, amputated by war, unwanted and friendless, cherishes his last remaining leg.
Maria you won't have me? you won't have me! The once again, darkly and dully, my heart I shall take, with tears besprinkled, and carry it, like a dog carries to its kennel a paw which a train ran over.
With the heart's blood I gladden the road, and flowering it sticks to the dusty tunic. The sun, like Salome, will dance a thousand times round the earth - the Baptist's head.
And when my quantity of years has finished its dance, a million bloodstains will lie spread on the path to my father's house.
I shall clamber out filthy (from sleeping in ditches); I'll stand at his side and, bending, shall speak in his ear:
"Listen, mister god! Isn't it tedious to dip your puffy eyes every day into a jelly of cloud? Let us - why not start a merry-go-round on the tree of what is good and evil! Omnipresent, you will be in each cupboard, and with such wines we'll grace the table than even frowning Apostle Peter will want to step out in the ki-ka-pou. In Eden again we'll lodge little Eves: command- and this very night, for you, from the boulevards, I'll round up all the most beautiful girls.
Would you like that?
You would not?
You shake your head, curlylocks? You're frowning, grey brows? You believe this creature with wings behind you knows what love is?
I too am an angel; I was one with a sugar lamb's eye I gazed; but I'll give no more presents to mares of ornamental vases made of tortured Sevres. Almighty, you concocted a pair of hands, arranged for everyone to have a head: but why didn't you see to it that one could without torture kiss, and kiss and kiss?!
I though you a great big god almighty, but you're a dunce, a minute little godlet. Watch me stoop and reach for the shoemaker's knife in my boot.
Swindlers with wings, huddle in heaven! Ruffle your feathers in shuddering flight! I'll rip you open, reeking of incense, wide open from here to Alaska!
Let me in!
You can't stop me. I may be wrong or right, but I'm as calm as I can be. Look again they've beheaded the stars, and the sky is bloody with carnage!
Hey, you! Heaven! Off with your hat! I am coming!
Not a sound.
The universe sleeps, its huge paw curled upon a star-infested ear.